That Wasn't Funny
by FaeQueen84
Summary: One night on a mission Sakura, Naruto and Kiba are sharing funny stories.  One is not so funny. rating for language and sexual references


That wasn't funny.

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. I'm just a spoony bard.

Set after the destruction of Konoha

It was snowing again. The mission had been a simple, yet long one, deliver a message scroll to the Kingdom of Snow. The journey there and back was long. It had taken three months to arrive. They had spent one week in civilization, and then it was back on their way.

Sakura shivered under her travel cloak. Her feet were soaked to her knees, the hem of her cloak beginning to hang up on her legs as she ran over the snow. The three man team assigned was herself, Haruno Sakura, her longtime team mate, Uzumaki Naruto, and Inuzuka Kiba. Kiba of course, had brought with his partner and companion Akamaru. The brown haired ninja and his large, white dog were currently fifty yards ahead checking out a possible camping spot for the night.

A small chakra flare glowed ahead. Kiba had located a good campsite. She picked up her pace, wanting to get out of the wind and the snow that bit at her face. Naruto sped up to keep pace. It didn't take either of them long to catch up to Kiba, who had already begun to gather firewood. He and Akamaru were digging in the snow, tossing sticks up behind them. They didn't speak as Naruto gathered what Kiba had already collected and Sakura assessed the location. It was a small cave. Certainly large enough for the four of them. There wouldn't be much room but it would be much warmer than tents in this weather. She double checked to make sure someone, or some_thing_ else wasn't inhabiting the cave before nodding to her blonde haired, blue eyed team mate.

Naruto slipped past her into the cave and began setting up a small fire. Sakura dumped her pack and began digging through it to locate food. While she began to prepare a meal for herself and her companions, Kiba and Akamaru returned with more wood. Naruto had gotten a small flame burning and was slowly adding small strips of paper to it to keep it burning. Akamaru settled himself near the entrance. He would be their early warning system. Much to Kiba's pride, that dog of his had the best nose in the entire Inuzuka compound. Akamaru would smell anyone approaching long before they would become a threat.

Sakura removed her travel cloak and laid it near the growing fire, exchanging it for a blanket form her pack. Naruto glanced at her in question.

"It's all wet from the snow. If I can get it dry I can use it for extra covering tonight. It's going to get colder." She knew it was. The snow was heavy and the wind kicked up even more as the words left her mouth.

"She's right you know. We may have to double up tonight. Akamaru and I will get more wood after we've eaten and thawed out a bit." Kiba copied my movement and traded his cloak for his blanket. Naruto groaned and followed suit.

"Why couldn't Tsunade send us to, oh I dunno, is there a Surf Country?" He looked at the mouth of the cave. "If we're gonna have to double up, why don't we take the extra sleeping roll and block off the doorway? It'd keep the heat from the fire in better."

Sakura grabbed her sleeping roll and tossed it to Naruto. He caught as she turned towards the campfire, now flickering happily. The food had been packed inside of a few cooking pots, and she upturned one and stepped to the doorway where Naruto was affixing the bedroll to the cave mouth with seals. Stepping out no further than required of her task, Sakura filled the pot with snow. She shivered again as she stepped back into the cave, brushing through their new 'door'.

Naruto had been right. By simply closing off the entrance, the cave was already a slightly warmer. She set the pot on the edge of the fire and began to slice things from her bag. They hadn't been traveling long, two weeks into their long journey home, and they still had some fresh food with them. Slices of potatoes and leeks, and yes, from a secret stash in her personal bag, some dried noodles. She didn't dare leave them with the rest of the food. Knowing Naruto's love of ramen, she was afraid he'd get hungry and eat them dry.

By the time she had finished slicing the ingredients the snow had melted and the water had begun to steam in the pot.

"Are you making ramen? Sakura-chan! You are my HERO!" Naruto was leaning over her shoulder, looking into the cooking pot and grinning like an idiot.

"You're in the way. Go set up bedrolls or something." Sakura pushed him. Naruto didn't move. His eyes were glued to the pot, his mouth watering. "Naruto!" This time she punched his shoulder with enough force to knock him over.

"ok! Tch!" he stuck his tongue out at her, causing Kiba to burst out laughing at the two of them,

"Man, if I had known having missions with you two was this entertaining I'd have begged the Hokage to send me with you sooner!"

Sakura only shook her head and turned back to the cooking. "Hey Kiba."

"Hn?"

"You know that if you wait till after eating to get more wood, your cloak will never dry in time for bed. Plus, you didn't get the coffee going." Camp tasks had been delegated at the beginning of the trip, and each night in the wild had started the same. Kiba and Akamaru would scout ahead to locate their campsite and signal the other two. Green chakra meant all is good. A gold spark however was distress. Once located, Kiba would start gathering firewood. Upon arrival Naruto would start the fire and Sakura would begin dinner. Kiba was responsible for the coffee and Naruto set up tents and bedrolls. It had worked well for them.

He sighed. "Yeah. And Akamaru would still be wet too. I don't fancy sleeping with a wet dog." He stood, trading the blanket for the cloak again. "At least it's warm from the fire." He grabbed the coffee pot and nodded to Akamaru. Dog and owner slipped out the door.

She turned all her attention to food. If her timing was right, Kiba should be back with the rest of the night's wood just as dinner was finishing. Usually Naruto would still be finishing the tents, but with only having the task of sleeping rolls, he was now sitting back on his heels watching Sakura cook. He began to be aware how wet he was from the snow. His boots were soaked, the chill now almost reaching numbness. His pant legs, like Sakura's, were wet to the knees. He groaned softly, sitting back to remove his wet footwear, placing them close enough to the fire to dry them, but not close enough to melt the rubber soles or crack the leather. He began to dig through packs, pulling out a change of clothes for him and his team mates. After a thought, he stuck his head back into his and pulled, from the very bottom, his extra-large beach towel that many of his friends had coveted.

Kiba returned, Akamaru carried the coffee pot full of snow to Sakura by the handle. Both the dog's back and his owner's arms were bearing a large load of wood. Sakura took the coffee pot from Akamaru, giving the canine an affectionate pat on the head. Kiba noticed Naruto's boots near the fire and sat to remove his own.

"Sakura, you need to get your wet clothes off." Naruto tossed her what appeared to be her pajamas. He turned to Kiba and did the same. "Oh, and Akamaru can use this, but I want it back." The towel flew through the air.

"Isn't this your uber special-nobody-but-me-can-use-awesome-extra-fluffy-oh-so-warm-towel?" Kiba had snatched the towel out of the air one handed. The other hand was busy unzipping his coat.

"Yeah well." Naruto rubbed the back of his head with that idiot grin of his plastered to his face, "He's a good friend and I don't want him to get sick is all."

Kiba cocked his head, a smile on his face. "Thanks." He spread the towel out on the cave floor and called his companion over. Akamaru trotted over and sat next to the towel, his fur quite wet from the snow melting on him. "Silly mutt, get over here." Kiba shook his head and grabbed the towel again, draping it over his companion.

Sakura always liked watching Kiba and Akamaru. It was more like watching a pair of brothers than watching a dog and his owner. Kiba was the youngest of his clan. His older sister Hana would inherit the clan title when she chooses a mate. Each Inuzuka shinobi was given a canine companion when they became a certain age. Akamaru was Kiba's companion, and had been since he was six. Sakura could remember the academy days when Akamaru had been small enough to ride on top of Kiba's head. Now the dog was so large that Kiba could have ridden on his back if he'd wanted.

Naruto watched Kiba dry Akamaru as best he could with the towel before spreading it on the cave floor. Akamaru curled up on it, letting the fire finish the job. He always liked how Kiba made sure Akamaru was taken care of before himself. He had to be soaked to the skin and freezing, and ye he still made sure Akamaru was warm and dry first. It was one of the things he liked best about Kiba. That and Kiba himself reminded Naruto of a dog. But in a good way. He was loyal. He was kind. He could keep a secret. He was a fierce fighter. He knew how to have fun. He was affectionate. Kiba was the kind of person, that when coming upon a hot spring in the middle of nowhere, would instantly drop his clothes (no modesty), settle in, and then ask why you aren't in there relaxing too.

Kiba's lack of modesty became more apparent when he yanked off his boots, setting them next to Naruto's. His next move was to peel his wet layers off, and spreading them out on a bare spot BEFORE stepping into his much warmer and dryer pajamas. Sakura and averted her eyes the moment Kiba had started with the first layer. She knew what was to come, and though she liked Kiba, she didn't like him in that way, therefore, most certainly didn't need to see him naked, again.

Naruto shook his head as Kiba began to strip bare. He followed suit, only he stripped quickly, redressing before spreading his wet clothes. "One of these days Kiba, you will learn that not everyone wants to see your dick."

"Then don't look." This made all of them laugh. The entire group, the Konoha 11, had been trying to teach Kiba modesty for years. It was an effort in futility, because, according to Kiba, the Inuzuka clan was rather open about stuff like that. So not only did he grace his friends with his nudity rather frequently, but he had a habit of trying to discuss _personal_ issues.

"Dinner's ready." Sakura turned bowls in hand. She handed two to Kiba and one to Naruto. Kiba sat next to Akamaru on his bedroll, setting the bowel of ramen down for his furry friend. He got a 'woof' of thanks in response. Naruto sat next to her on the other bedroll.

They ate in silence, however, once bowls had been cleared and each person held a steaming mug of coffee, the conversation picked up. They decided to play of a game of "Embarrassed". It wasn't really so much a game, but the point was to tell a story in which someone gets embarrassed to the point of hilarity.

Sakura had started.

"This happened a few months back at the hospital." She giggled when she remembered the incident. "I was working the night shift when Kakashi-sensei came in."

"Oh if this involves Kakashi, it's going to be good." Naruto leaned back on his elbows.

"Oh it is. So it's almost 4 am, and Kakashi comes in. He's all fidgety and flushed. So I asked him what was wrong and if I could help him. He wanted someone else, but it's almost 4 am and I'm the only one there." She stopped to giggle again "So he turns even redder and face palms himself. I finally get him to admit to me that it's a rather _personal_ problem. So now I'm very very, very curious. So I start asking him the standard questions, trying to get him to tell me. Like 'is it an injury', 'no not really'. 'Is it an allergic reaction to a lubricant or something?' 'No.' 'Did you knock someone up?' 'NO!' I almost had to laugh at the next step, because I'm not really sure how old Kakashi is, and some older men have problems preforming."

Kiba started laughing. "Oh man."

"No! wait for it! So I have to do my absolute medical best not to laugh when I ask him 'Are you having erectly dysfunction?' 'Fuck no. My lover and I were playing around and I have anal beads stuck in my ass!'"

By now all three of them were laughing hard. "And you had to help him take them out? Sick!" Naruto was laughing so hard he held his sides. Kiba was gasping for air.

"No, I told him that they'd um, work their way out next time he went to the bathroom."

"Ok, I got one." Kiba had picked himself up, wrapping his blankets around him again. "Out with the guys one night. Naruto's Birthday, you might not remember, you were pretty drunk."

Sakura raised an eyebrow Naruto's direction and he shrugged in response. "That's what happens when you try to drink Shino under the table. Who knew the man could hold THAT much liquor?"

"No, Naruto's not the embarassee. It was Neji."

"Neji huh? Ice cube can get embarrassed?"

"Oh yeah." Kiba grinned. "So we're out at the bar. Naruto's drunk as hell singing karaoke with Choji and Shikamaru. Neji, Shino and I are at the bar drinking talking about girls."

"You mean you were talking about girls" Sakura countered.

"Whatever. Because, you know, Shino is desperately in love with Hinata, not that he'll ever say anything that pussy. Ad the only other person Neji has ever seemed to really care about other than himself is Tenten."

"And you?" Naruto grinned. "Who's your girl of choice?"

"You remember Anko? I kinda got a thing for her. But that's anyway. So I'm teasing Shino. We've been buds since academy and all so I can get away with it. Last mission we'd done before I'd caught him mid jack off with Hinata's name on his lips so I'm giving him shit for it."

"Remind me why we needed to know that!" Sakura smacked herself. "You realize the next time I see Shino that's going to be the first thing that comes to mind!"

"And you call me a pervert?" Kiba mocked offence.

"You are. You and Ero-Senin would get along fantastically." Naruto smiled at the memory of his dead sensei.

"Yeah. Well Neji got pissed. I mean Hinata's his cousin and all and he's supposed to protect her. He got red in the face and you could tell he was about to start yelling. So Shino turns to him, and in that deadpan serious voice of his asks 'Did you not join me on a mission last week, during which, while setting camp, did not a pair of TenTen's dirty panties fall from your pack?"

Sakura howled in mirth. Naruto had his head buried in his arms, shoulders shaking in laughter. Kiba continued, through his own fits of laughing. "So Neji goes from that angry red to pale as death. His cheeks got these two bright red splotches, he slammed the rest of his drink and goes 'I have no idea what you're talking about.' And Shino, Shino goes on to DESCRIBE the panties!"

"Oh I wish I could have been there for that." Sakura wiped away the tears gathering in her eyes. The other two calmed down and stopped laughing. Kiba threw a few more sticks on the fire.

"It's your turn Naruto." Sakura elbowed the man sitting next to her. He elbowed back.

"My turn huh. Hmmmm…" he tapped his chin, one eye crinkled in thought. "Ah! This one's on Tsunade!"

"You have an embarrassing story about the Hokage? I'm intrigued." Kiba leaned forward, ready to capture Naruto's story.

"This was right after Konoha got Pain-bombed. I prolly shouldn't tell but by the time we get back it won't matter." He shrugged. "But it's good really." A soft smile played his features and Sakura wondered what it could be that would make Naruto smile that way.

"So Tsunade and I went to retrieve Ero-senin's body."

"THAT'S where you two disappeared to after she woke? I thought- never mind go on." Sakura sat up, much more curious now that before.

"Well yeah we went to get him. He's a shinobi of Konoha. Anyway, we got to the location of the battle. Place was a mess. Blood still everywhere. We figured he had to have fallen in the water, so we started looking. Followed the current for a bit. Ended up just outside the city. We'd almost given up hope." Naruto's eyes shone in the firelight. Sakura thought he might start to cry, and she reached out to her team mate, her hand finding his shoulder. He continued, looking straight into the fire. "We searched the bank for days. Tsunade tried not to let me see, but she was hurting something fierce inside. Five days into our search we stopped at a farm for the night. It was owned by an old couple and they said we could stay in the barn that they were also housing a very injured man or we could have had the guest room. So Tsunade tells them she's a medic and asks if she can see him."

Sakura's grip on his shoulder tightened. Did this mean what she thought? Kiba's eyes hadn't left Naruto's face since he started speaking.

"So old lady takes Tsunade upstairs, and I hear screaming. So I tear ass up after her, only to find that the man the old couple have been nursing is Jiraiya-sennin, and Tsunade, she's so happy to see him, so see him _alive_, that she's sobbing, and planting little kisses all over his face." Naruto's cheeks pinked at the memory. "I just stood there, I couldn't believe he was there. The old woman is talking about how he has this funny growth on the severed arm that keeps getting bigger, and how when they found him he was almost dead. And all the sudden Ero-senin opens his eyes as Tsunade plants a kiss on his lips and says 'Woman, your luck is still as bad as ever. I'm back to you alive, and now that I know you love me too, when my arm finishes growing back, and we're in Konoha, I'm going to make you my wife like you promised.' Naruto stopped speaking for a moment, both Sakura and Kiba leaned in to hear if he would say anything else. Sakura could see the small smile that tugged at his lips. "And he turns and looks at me and says 'Kid, you're gonna be my best man right?' And Tsunade looks up, realizing I'm standing right there, turns beet red, then picks up the lamp, and chucks it at me. She didn't speak to me all the way back to Konoha."

Silence filled the cave. Sakura blinked. "Naruto?"

"Well she was embarrassed because I saw their private moment." He grinned sheepishly. "Well I thought it was funny."

"Naruto, that's not funny, that's incredibly romantic." Kiba said. "That's like…wow"

"Jiraiya is alive?" Sakura's hand still hadn't left Naruto's shoulder.

"Yeah, isn't' it great? And apparently it's something to do with the Frog Fu that makes it so he can re-grow his arm. He said someday he'll teach it to me."

"How come no one knew? I mean Jiraiya is one of the Sannin, you'd think his survival would be celebrated."

"Oh well, he wanted his arm back and all that before he came back out in public. Tsunade's got him set up at one of the unused training grounds."

Sakura's jaw hung open. Kiba stared at him.

"What! I _did_ think it was funny."

"Ok well as far as funny goes I think Tenten's panties win. But Naruto, tonight you win for the best story." Kiba grinned. "That was amazing." He turned and wriggled into his sleeping roll, calling Akamaru to join him once he was settled. "I'm gonna crash. 'Night."

Sakura still stared at him. Naruto added what he thought would be enough wood to keep the fire burning all night. He shifted logs and sticks around until ti was an ideal shape. He avoided Sakura's eyes, shifting into the bedroll, making room for his team mate.

She didn't say anything, just slid in next to him, his chest pressed against her back, his body heat seeping into her, his arm draping over her waist. She stared at the fire.

The sleeping arrangements weren't unusual. On very cold nights, body heat would sometimes be the only thing keeping hypothermia at bay. Any shinobi knew that. The very first cold night on their journey into the Snow Country, Kiba had automatically said he'd double with Akamaru, leaving Sakura to share Naruto's bedroll. Kiba had said that even his own team mates didn't want to double with a big hairy mutt who had a tendency to drool, but he was used to it.

Sakura listened to the sounds in the cave, Kiba's light snores, or were they Akamarou's? The wind howling outside, the crackling of the fire, the sound of Naruto's breath in her ear. She'd known her mentor loved her old team mate. Even when Tsunade complained about the perverted Toad Sage, there was a softness to it that only those close to her would see. Sakura's heart sang inside her chest with joy knowing her surrogate mother had finally given in to love.

Naruto's hold on her tonight was tight. Sakura blamed it on the chill of the night and snuggled in deeper.

Dawn came, and with it the sun. The storm from the previous night had died out, and the three shinobi broke camp and continued their way home.


End file.
